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lordfeederdinkle:

trilllizard666:

tangobunny:

fiyabwal:

Warhammer 40k orks are just a shitpost. Reading up on the lore of them is a true test because they’re so absurd you cant tel the dufference between theory and actual canon.

Shit i’ve read.

-every one possesses a form of psychic willpower that affects reality.

-technically could not be killed, but a human taunting them described how he would kill them so they became killable.

-they believe the color red increases speed so it does, including their enemies ships.

-they believe the color yellow makes explosions more powerful, so it does.

– they believe the color purple is stealthy so anything purple that they see is now invisible.

-they have windows on their spaceships to do drive-by’s because they dont know theres no air to breathe in space.

-their guns dont actually have any proper functioning parts. But since they believe its a gun, its now a gun.

-an out of ammo imperium squad once used empty guns to kill orks by shouting “bang” and since the orks didnt know they were empty it still killed them.

And now my personal favorite.

-while the emperor is believed to be kept alive by continuous sacrifices of his own techpriests. It is believed that the only reason the emperor is still alive is because the orks believe he is alive.

I cant tell what is true and what is made up because it all reads like that.

Orks are the one faction that makes the Warhammer 40000 setting appealing to me.

WAUUUUUUUUUUGH

-Orks have a gun that fires goblins THROUGH HELL to strike their enemies “Supa fast” (a feat which is deemed impossible by all other factions)

-Orks have very few actual organs and are like 90% fungus

-Like most actual fungus, Orks reproduce with spores that are constantly being spewed from their bodies

-Ork psychers(”magic users”) are so volitile that they will sometimes just explode, sometimes taking half the army with them. This can be prevented by giving the psycher a stick wrapped in copper wire

-Orks decided to weaponize this by cutting off the psycher’s limbs, strapping him down to a cart, throwing him into the middle of the battlefield, then taking away the stick and running away.

-Due to the lack of any real organs, and reproduction with spores, orks lack any form of genetalia. However, Ork painboys(doctors) will sometimes graft fingers or lumps of skin to an ork patient that look like penises just for shits and giggles. This is typically done without patient consent and may result in the doctor’s dismemberment.

-Ork ships tend to have massive amounts of thrusters and rockets on them, all wired up to a single massive red button for the captain to smash

-In any sane universe, 9/10 ork vehicles would explode after turning on the ignition

-Orks are actually one of the oldest races in the galaxy, and were created by god-lizards to fight against giant, metal, sun-eating vampire gods and their robot skeleton slaves

-Orks are the equivalent to the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy grail, being able to be completely dismembered and continuing to fight (and still being a fairly sizable threat)

-If an Ork can find his dismembered limb and staple it back into place, he will be able to reuse that limb.

-The orks once were capable of building AN ENTIRE PLANET completely out of scrap metal. 

-A prominent ork strategy is to swarm millions of orks onto an asteroid or moon, then slam them into the planet’s surface, effectively acting as makeshift landing crafts

-In old lore, the way that orks communicated across massive battlestations and walkers was that certain orks were capable of yelling SUPA SUPA LOUD instead of having an actual communication system